Why millennials are leaving church

If your church background is anything like mine, you likely grew up hearing about the various reasons why young adults stopped attending church. Inevitably, these reasons almost always had something to do with liberal thinking. College polluted their minds with liberal ideas and led them down a path of godlessness. Or maybe, they just never seemed committed anyway. They were one of the "worldly" kids, so are we really surprised? These stories were used as a method of coercion and warning.

And if you're anything like me, you went on to be wary of anything resembling liberalism for fear that the devil would get you and lure you away from God. You might have even had examples of this in your life: a known church leader began to "stray" that way, then eventually renounced their faith altogether. See. Proof.

But... if you're anything like me, you probably began to question these assumptions as people you knew walked away. You saw that their reasons weren't because of "liberalism," but because they noticed practices and teachings that just didn't add up. Maybe you questioned as well, and wondered how long it would be until you walked away, too.

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The number one reason, and perhaps, the only reason I have seen people walk away in the past five years, is because of what churches have erroneously taught and how Christian evangelical and fundamentalist communities have erroneously acted. There are exceptions, yes, but that's not what we're talking about here.

Churches in the US have a reputation for covering up abuse, silencing victims, and allowing the perpetrators to continue in their leadership roles – after church discipline, of course. Christians have a reputation of treating those considered morally questionable with contempt and coldness. Unwed pregnant mothers, divorcées, people from the LGBTQ+ community, people dealing with addiction, and those questioning the faith. While we sing "come as you are," we give the side-eye to the people in these groups, waiting for them to clean up so we can accept them. 

"That's not true of me."
Are you sure? Do you feel the need to question a woman about her marital status? Do you feel the need to know why someone is divorced so that you can see if their reason was biblical? Do you expect a Christian from the LGBTQ+ community to renounce their sexual orientation or gender identity as evidence of their sanctification? Do you feel the need to let them know that you do not approve of their lifestyle? Do you expect a certain period of sobriety as evidence of a genuine commitment to Jesus? Do you get angry at a person questioning church tradition or feel the need to invalidate their experience? Do you feel threatened by them? Do you feel relief when someone expresses the same theological belief about a controversial issue as you? Do you feel the need to only listen to the stories of these people long enough to make an argument against their hurt?

For those of us who have gone through questioning because of this culture, we have a hard time having fingers pointed at us when we are earnestly trying to understand the Bible. When we question why so many Christians are passive about the ill treatment of undocumented immigrants and children at the border, we aren't trying to insinuate that you don't care. We are just trying to point out that conservativism has become so intertwined with evangelical Christianity that so many Christians just assume it's truth. And because of that, liberalism is seen as being of the devil.

So when we go to college and learn that not only conservatives, but Christians, have a history of perpetuating harm in the name of Jesus, we start to wake up. For some, that means renouncing their faith in the face of the horror they have learned because they know nothing else. Perhaps, they never actually knew Jesus. And before you go "ah-ha!" remember, it is likely because they were not shown Him. 

For others, it means deconstructing every part of their faith, piece by piece at the feet of Jesus. Holding each piece up to Him while asking, "Is this you?" With every piece we find that does not hold up against the Bible, the lie becomes bigger. We wonder how far it reaches and how much hurt we've caused by believing it. We question, what is truth? How do we find it? And how do we find community while those we thought were our brothers and sisters have turned their backs on us?

We question why Christians are so vile toward the LGBTQ+ community. They have to make it loudly known how much they condemn them, yet let the gossips in their friend circles and local churches run rampant. They find it necessary to include the traditional marriage statement in their doctrines, but don't feel the need to condemn abuse, even though it is far too prevalent in churches. They make every effort to protect themselves, yet have a hard time defending those with whom they disagree. 

And those of us questioning ask... why?

But it doesn't stop there. Why are they so against anything with the world "environmental" in it, yet from the beginning we were meant to be stewards of the earth? Why do they preach on the sanctity and value of human life but liken unwed mothers to a unwrapped candy bar? Why do they only speak up about human trafficking when it's falsely sensationalized and connected to their favorite political person as a savior-figure? Why do they glorify the founding of the United States when this country began with a genocide and then was built with massive inequalities that have taken hundreds of years to rectify? And why do they become so harsh when someone asks that question? Why do they preach about the utter sinfulness of man but refuse to recognize that flawed people lead to flawed systems?

When Christians say young people go to college and get lured away from the faith, what they are really saying is that we realized: Caring about people extends far beyond our local church. The evangelical social club we grew up in has failed in many respects to be a light on a hill, and instead has acted as a night light in the church sanctuary.

I have the sense that at this point, some of you might be thinking, "Yeah, but that was Christians, not Jesus. They just need to read their Bible." 

If that's the case, let me explain further. Christians are meant to be a representation of Jesus, right? And if all you ever know is one brand of Christianity, can you see how someone might erroneously assume Jesus is like those Christians? Furthermore, we were taught to read the Bible. Shamed into reading the Bible, in fact. We were even taught to read what it means, and not what it means to us. The catch is that any time we thought the Bible meant something that even slightly conflicted with evangelical tradition, it was a huge deal. We were accused of reading "in" to the Bible. We were also accused of "adding to" or "taking away," which meant we were the ones Revelation warned against (Revelation 22:18-19) — which, by the way, was another passage taken out of context. In an effort to not be heretics, we relied on others to tell us the "correct" interpretation – which, oddly enough, is a practice they always condemned the Catholic church for doing.

Maybe you're also thinking... "What's it matter? Why can't you ignore the criticism and be a more 'liberal' Christian?"

But you see, the church has set us up to think this is impossible. The church has created this false dichotomy between Christianity and liberalism so that when someone starts to actually care about people, the only logical choice seems to be to choose "liberal" ideas. After all, a large portion of the evangelical church is loudly justifying harsh treatment of people, advocating for the death penalty, defending the vile actions of the colonizers, and refusing to acknowledge and confront abuse within churches. We've been taught that this is Christianity. To believe otherwise is either a sign of regression or insincere faith, and never a sign of maturity and growth.

And when someone starts to question these things and challenges traditionally held evangelical views up against the Bible, we're told we are being worldly. We are accused of loving sin, even though we are earnestly trying to find truth and love people. We are accused of trying too hard to be liked when the Gospel is meant to be offensive. We should be hated – because that is evidence that we are truly following Jesus. Which makes the verse about being known for our love confusing, but never mind that.

So if "this" is Christianity, we want out. It's hard to find anything redeemable in communities where questioning is dismissed, at best. I've read countless stories from people who were asked to leave their churches because their genuine questioning and desire to understand was unacceptable.

These are not anomalies. These are not exceptions. This is the reality of the American evangelical church, and it needs to stop. 

The culture of political division. Stop making Christianity about political party lines. A conservative is no more holy than a liberal, and a liberal is no more holy than a conservative.

The culture of worthlessness. Many of us grew up hearing that we were absolutely worthless to God, so we better be thankful He sent Jesus. But we have never been worthless to God. We are made in His image, and from the moment sin entered the world, He enacted a rescue plan. Even when we were still sinners, He LOVED us and wanted us (Romans 5:8). A common theme among people who are processing hurtful church experiences is not being able to understand that God simply loves them. Not because of anything they've done or accomplished, but because He. loves. us. It's a hard thing to believe when you've been made to be the thorn in God's side that He begrudgingly sent His son to save.

The purity culture. This deserves it's own post, but I'll just say that the posture of our hearts has always been way more important than following a set of man-made rules. Ladies, your inherent worth has never been tied to how you dress. Anyone who tells you differently is choosing to not see your worth, and that is a sign of spiritual immaturity. 

The culture of exclusion. Church should be the most welcoming place a person can step foot in, and yet it has become one of the scariest. So many groups of people that Christians have decided don't deserve to know the love of God feel like the last place they would be welcomed is in church. 

The culture of superficiality. Making disciples means more than just getting someone saved. If this is someone in your personal life, making a disciple means coming alongside them and investing in their life. If it's someone you might never see again, make an effort to get them connected to a church or Christian in their area.

The culture of social club. Christianity is not a social club. The options people have should not be "put up with the bullies and adhere to this one theological interpretation or leave." Our standards should be far higher in our conduct toward each other.

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I don't know what else to say except that should do better. We have to do better. Represented here are countless voices desperate to be heard. For goodness sake... please stop talking and listen.

Romans 13:10. Proverbs 18:2, 13. Galatians 5:22-23.

To those going through this, I see you and I empathize. There are several great resources available for people looking to see the world through a biblical perspective and deconstructing unbiblical practices and beliefs, but two of my favorites are The Church Politics Podcast (part of the AND Campaign) and the New Evangelicals on Instagram (@thenewevangelicals). As always, feel free to reach out if you want to chat about these things.