An open letter to all who think I'm going to hell

You should know that this isn't going to be an in-depth defense of my theology. I learned a while ago that people who personally condemn me to hell aren't interested in actual dialogue. Rather, I'm offering you a window into how these personal condemnations affect me and others in hopes that you'll reconsider whether these remarks truly reflect a life of following Jesus.

As my faith has changed over the past four years, and especially the past two, I've become well aware of the fact that the Christian communities I grew up in no longer view me as that wise, analytical thinker they admired in my youth. Now that I've used those skills to move away from evangelicalism, I'm no longer a useful to them.

All of you would likely feel the same way if you had also known me for that time as I've seen others outside of my circles experience the same exact thing. The exclusion I've experienced from you on the basis of my shifted theology has been pretty wild. I don't understand it. You said that we were supposed to love each other and care for one another. But it's as if I'm not a "one another" since deconstructing. Once you found out about my changing beliefs, you've been cold, harsh, and condescending. You have treated me differently to my face because.. well, I don't know why. All I know is that I was once met with hugs and "how are yous?" Now you merely acknowledge my existence because that's what little your religion requires of you.

I've learned that the brand of Christianity you believe crumbles easily under the scrutiny of taking the Bible in context and studying the beliefs of the early church. I don't disbelieve in eternal conscious torment or complementarianism or original sin because I think it's fun or trendy, but because I made a commitment to study the Bible in its intended context and change my views accordingly no matter where that took me. My views changed on these things because I can no longer make a solid case for these beliefs — not with the Bible, and not with church history.

You claim I've twisted the Bible or cherry-pick because I disagree with it or because I don't like it. That couldn't be further from the truth. I was fine with all of the things I believed. That is, until I realized that was not what Jesus wanted from me.

I've offered many times over the years to discuss my changing beliefs in order to provide understanding. Deconstruction has been lonely, isolating, and heartbreaking — simply because the community who claims to be marked by love has pushed me out. As worried as you happen to be about my eternal fate, not one of you has ever checked in to see how I'm doing. You've never offered to listen or asked questions to understand. Instead, you've belittled me, insulted me, told me you're disappointed in me, and, my personal favorite: that this is not how I was raised. Which makes me laugh, by the way, because my parents have been some of the most supportive people in my life through this process. Even when I have tried to engage with you, you've shut me down.

You have not shown me the love of Jesus. You've shown me coldness, exclusion, belittlement, and yet somehow think I should want to come back to that kind of community.

Threats of hell are nothing new to me. The thing about having an Instagram account where I ask questions that horrify those in your crowd is that I open myself up to criticism. All things considered, I've received very little. Even so, some go out of their way to make sure I know where they think I'm headed. It's weird and wildly confusing every time it happens. The reasons for these hell sentences just don't seem to make sense. 

Something must have been in the water recently because in the span of a couple days, I managed to earn myself two threats of hell, and one was from someone in my personal life. I don't want to give stuff like this airtime, but again, I'm offering you a window. 

I don't know how I managed to see this particular post with as much as I've "hidden" and how little time I spend on this particular app, but alas, I did.

I had recently shared a post on social media about how Jesus is the Word of God, and how placing the Bible above Jesus can lead us to some pretty dark places. I talked with a friend in the comments about some facts about the Bible — that it was written by humans, and while inspired by God and incredibly important for followers of Jesus, we need to remember context.

Apparently, this was enough for a hell sentence. This person wrote a post about all kinds of supposedly heretical things they had seen in the past few days and my remarks — completely misrepresented, of course — earned a spot on the list. This person questioned the authenticity of my faith, and concluded by urging the readers to repent. Otherwise, they were going to hell.

To their credit, this person had enough respect for me to honor my requests to not argue with me on the original post. I specifically asked for those who had not had a genuine conversation with me in the past six months to take their arguments elsewhere. So credit goes where credit is due. However, I'm still trying to figure out how subtweeting me and insinuating my hell-bound ways was the next possible Jesus-loving thing to do... 

Never mind the fact that we are not saved by our faith in the Bible... or any of the other beliefs represented in that post... but I digress.

Reading that post was crushing and made me physically dizzy — not because I was hurt, but because it was so wrong and immediately made me think of all the others silently going through what I've gone through and seeing yet another reason why they can't be open about their journey. I couldn't see straight as a thousand thoughts rushed through my mind. Two that stuck out were: how is writing that post representative of living a life of following Jesus? And how is this person so detached from the humanity of others that I'm no longer seen as a human being, but a collection of beliefs potentially deserving of hell?

Here's the thing: you all are so fast to condemn people like me to hell. Those of us earnestly trying to follow Jesus are just so reprehensible that the only way you can respond is to question our faith and try to scare us from hell. It's almost as if you relish in it. You've found the "truth," and now you get to be up there on a pedestal telling everyone else they've got it wrong. They need to believe your personal interpretation of the Bible or else they are going to hell. All the while, you falsely claim it's "God's truth" and you're just the messenger.

And yet, what those of us who have deconstructed can't get over is the fact that you are SILENT about the abuse that is running rampant in the church. You are SILENT about your favorite theologians covering up abuse and putting women on church discipline because they are trying to leave their abusive husbands. You are SILENT as people who are different from you are ridiculed and killed, and you're silent just because you're uncomfy with their identity. You are SILENT as pastor after pastor is exposed for being spiritually abusive and yet is platformed over and over, leaving more and more bodies behind the bus. You are SILENT about the injustices perpetuated toward immigrants — human freaking beings, created in the image of God — because you worship your politics and selfishness more than Jesus. You are SILENT over all of this and more. Then, when one of us speaks up about these things, you berate us and tell us we're probably going to hell.

Can you see it? Can you see how we cannot take your faith seriously? Can you see how your threats of hell are empty when your silence is complicit in these disgusting situations?

When you care more about a person's theological interpretations than you do about people being abused in the name of Jesus, I must agree with you: I do not belong to that religion. That religion is wicked and self-centered. I want nothing to do with it.

Let me be clear that I don't want this to be an us vs. you game. If we're all following Jesus, we should agree to follow in his way of compassionate and love. He sought the outcasts and rebuked the religious — not the other way around. I firmly believe that if he had come in our day and age, you all would've been the first to advocate for his murder and definitely believe he was hell-bound.

I believe that if we claim the name of Jesus, we are to bring heaven to earth. He talked about it all the time — the kingdom of heaven is here. We love, we give, we show compassion, we protect, we uplift — everyone. And when we step outside these bounds, we rebuke.

The mischaracterization of us falls completely on your shoulders. You don't want to understand, because that would mean you'd have to show compassion. And if I could name one thing I'm leaving behind, it's the wicked belief that compassion and empathy are character flaws.

Your accusations against us are numerous and false. You accuse us of loving sin, yet we've grown tired of your appetite for it in the form of political worship and turning a blind eye to blasphemy and abuse. You accuse us of not taking our faith seriously, but I've never met a more sold out follower of Jesus than those who have deconstructed. I've also never met people so fragile as those in the evangelical institution. You feel threatened by everything. Your faith is so fragile that you think a person has to believe in a 6-day creation, or literal Bible interpretation, or eternal conscious torment.. in order to avoid hell. In fact, you think the entire point of your faith is getting saved from hell — and it grieves me how self-centered American Christianity has become. You accuse us of following our feelings, but we just want to know truth and don't understand why that's so offensive to you.

This is all we hear from you. You accuse loudly enough that you can't hear our objections and corrections.

Stop making assumptions about us and talk to us for crying out loud! We left your spaces because you either forced us out or made us feel so unwelcomed that we had to leave. Now you want to blame us for not putting up with it? 

I've studied my Bible more in the past two years than ever before. I've repented for more things than I can name and there's still a long way to go. I hate sin, and I love Jesus.

Again: I love Jesus and am fully committed to following his way. I'm fully committed to understand the Scriptures within the context of their original language, culture, and intent, and changing the way I live based on those implications. I can't convince you of this, and I'm not going to try. Quite frankly, anyone who feels the need to tell me I'm going to hell doesn't sound like the kind of person who is ever going to believe me, but here's your chance.

I write all of this because someone needs to tell you: you're stuck in one way of thinking about Christianity — a way that has been deeply affected by western culture and the American evangelical institution. You talk about how people need to be committed to the truth, yet lash out when those of us earnestly searching suggest a different way of viewing this life. According to you, we're only allowed to ask questions if we come to one specific conclusion. But you don't have a monopoly on truth, and your theology isn't the way.

In short: you're proving our point. Your threats of hell are from hell, and I am kindly asking you to stop.

I mean, have you ever stopped to consider the effectiveness of this method? Or considered how a faith built in fear is no faith at all?

Because here's the bottom line. You don't care. There's no way you possibly care. Otherwise, you would've been there with me in the trenches. You would have offered your love and support. This performative religiosity in the form of hell-threats is just you trying to clear your conscience because you believe it's up to you to scare the hell out of others, lest you end up with blood on your hands.

I've often heard this fear-centered method of "evangelism" defended in the name of not "loving people to hell." But as someone who you apparently think is bound for hell, I'll let you in on a secret: by using your own twisted version of love, if you are right about the afterlife, you are "loving" people straight to hell, because none of us want anything to do with a religion that is so focused on being right rather than loving like Jesus.

I'm asking you, as you have demanded of me: repent. If you are claiming the name of Jesus, repent, and stop bringing this hell to earth.

Despite the bluntness of what I've stated here, I don't care who you are or what you've done or not done: if you decide that you want to understand, my inbox is always open. If you'd rather coffee or a call, that's fine, too. This door is always open.